We enter into relationships with the assumption that because we are in love, we will intuitively nurture and respect each other and live happily ever after. However, we also bring into a relationship the family of origin dynamics that will influence how we connect with our partner. Marriage is for grownups but few of us are grown up when we marry. Growing up takes time, perhaps a lifetime journey, and getting there, if we get there at all, is hard.
Our capacity for connection and safety is guided by the assumption that the same motivational system that resulted in a close emotional bond between parents and children is responsible for the bond that develops between adults in emotionally intimate relationships. This model of attachment influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. Many of us did not experience a secure connection with caregivers and needs were not always met nor was emotional distress always validated.
No comments:
Post a Comment